2E
27-12-2005, 10:08 AM
Q. What do you call a chav in a jar of honey?
A. Sweet!
Q. What do you call a chav in a box?
A. Innit.
Q. What do you call a chav in a filing cabinet?
A. Sorted.
Q. What do you call a chav in hell?
A. Wicked.
Q. What do you call a chav in a fridge?
A. Chillin'.
Q. What do you call a chav in an iron box?
A. Safe.
Q. What do u call a chav in a blender???????
A. mush!!
Q. What do you call a chav girl and a chav boy in a phone box?
A. ****ing innit.
Q. How can you tell a female chav virgin?
A. She can run faster than her brothers.
Q. What do you call a chav on a bike?
A. A thief
Q. What do you call a chav in a car?
A. Arrested
Q. What do you call a chav waiting in a bus shelter?
A. At a party.
Q. What do you call a chav girl without any children?
A. Under the age of 12.
Q. Whats a chavs favourite car?
A. One without an alarm.
Q. What do you call two dead chavs?
A. A good start to the day.
Q. What do chavs use as protection during sex?
A. A bus shelter.
Q. What do you say to a chav with a job?
A. Can I have a Big Mac please?
Q. How does a chav girl turn the lights off after sex?
A. She closes the car door.
Q. Two chavs jump off a bridge.....who wins?
A. Society
Q. Why are Chavs like slinkies?
A. They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of stairs.
Q. What's the difference between a Chav and a coconut?
A. One's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut.
Q. What do you do if you run over a chav?
A. Reverse just to make sure
Q. What do you call a Chav at college.
A. The cleaner.
Q. Where do Chavettes go for work?
A. Street corners.
Q. How do you stop a chav from drowning?
A. Take your foot off their head.
Q How does a chavette get rid of unwanted pubic hair
A She spits
Q. What's the difference between Batman and a chav?
A. Batman can go out at night without Robin.
Q. What do you call a chav in a detatched house?
A. The Burglar
Q. Whats the difference between a Chav and a Computer?
A. You can punch information into a computer.
Q. What's the difference between a phone battery and a chav just out of prison?
A. The battery will last a couple of days before being charged again.
Q. How do you make a chav run faster?
A. Tuck a VCR under his arm.
Q. Whats a chavs favourite hot drink?
A. Kappachino.....
Q. What key can open anything?
A. A pikey!
Q. how do you confuse a chav?
A. you dont their born that way
Q. what did the 19 year old chav call the 35 year old chavette?
A. mum
Q. What's the difference between a hedgehog and a Nova full of chavs?
A. With the hedgehog, the *****s are on the outside.
Q. What's the difference between a chavette and a shopping trolley?
A. A shopping trolley has a mind of it's own
Q. How do you make a chav drink?
A. Put it in a blender
Q. Whats the difference between the bermuda triangle and a chav girl ?
A. The bermuda triangle swallows less seamen
Q. What does a chav lass do with her bum after sex ?
A. Sends him out for a doner kebab and a bottle of lambrini
At the end of a tiny deserted bar is a huge Chav male, 6ft 5in
tall and 350lbs. He's having a few beers when a short, well dressed and
obviously gay man walks in and sits beside him. After 3 or 4 beers, the
gay fella finally plucks up the courage to say something to the big
Chavster. Leaning over, he cups his huge ear "Do you want a blow
job?" he whispers. At this, the Chav leaps up with fire
in his eyes and smacks the man in the face. Knocking him off the stool,
he proceeds to beat him all the way out of the bar. Finally he leaves
him badly bruised, in the car park and returns to his seat as if nothing
had happened. Amazed the bartender quickly brings over another beer.
"I've never seen you react like that" he says "Just what did he say to
you?" "I'm not sure" the Chav replies. "Something about a job."
Dole officer - Can I help?
Chavette - yeah. I wanna sign on.
Dole officer - OK, how many kids have you got, ma'am?
Chavette - Err....20.
Dole officer - 20? Err.. OK, what are therir names?
Chavette - Err.... Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, and Kevin.
Dole officer - they're all called Kevin?
Chavette - yeah.
Dole officer - how can you manage?
Chavette - Oh it's easy. Whenever It's dinner, I just say Kevin! It's dinner. And they all come down for dinner. whever I want them out the house, I just say Kevin! Out the house, and they all fack off, and so on.
Dole officer - OK, I can see, it must save some time remmebrering names, but what if you want to call one of them individually?
Chavette - Oh, I just call them by their last names...
Two guys in a car
BUMP!
what was that?
- A chav
BUMP!
what was that?
- A Chav
BUMP! BUMP!
what was that!?
- Had to hit the curb to get that one
Judge: What gear were you in at the moment of crashing your Nova?
Chav: Reeboks and a Burbery cap.
Chavette is doing the washing up when her 4 year old daughter comes up to her
"Mummy, I wondered why your hands are so soft?"
"It's 'cos I'm only twelve, innit"
Man 1: Did you hear about the bus load of chavs that drove off a cliff?
Man2: Oh really?
Man1: Yeah im really upset
Man2: but why?
Man1: Cos there were three empty seats.
2 chavs are walking through the jungle and they see a man getting eaten by a crocodile, one says to the other, wow, look at his lacost sleeping bag.
in a recent survey of male chavs 80% said they had experienced sex in the shower, the other 20% said they had not been to prison yet!
A. Sweet!
Q. What do you call a chav in a box?
A. Innit.
Q. What do you call a chav in a filing cabinet?
A. Sorted.
Q. What do you call a chav in hell?
A. Wicked.
Q. What do you call a chav in a fridge?
A. Chillin'.
Q. What do you call a chav in an iron box?
A. Safe.
Q. What do u call a chav in a blender???????
A. mush!!
Q. What do you call a chav girl and a chav boy in a phone box?
A. ****ing innit.
Q. How can you tell a female chav virgin?
A. She can run faster than her brothers.
Q. What do you call a chav on a bike?
A. A thief
Q. What do you call a chav in a car?
A. Arrested
Q. What do you call a chav waiting in a bus shelter?
A. At a party.
Q. What do you call a chav girl without any children?
A. Under the age of 12.
Q. Whats a chavs favourite car?
A. One without an alarm.
Q. What do you call two dead chavs?
A. A good start to the day.
Q. What do chavs use as protection during sex?
A. A bus shelter.
Q. What do you say to a chav with a job?
A. Can I have a Big Mac please?
Q. How does a chav girl turn the lights off after sex?
A. She closes the car door.
Q. Two chavs jump off a bridge.....who wins?
A. Society
Q. Why are Chavs like slinkies?
A. They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of stairs.
Q. What's the difference between a Chav and a coconut?
A. One's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut.
Q. What do you do if you run over a chav?
A. Reverse just to make sure
Q. What do you call a Chav at college.
A. The cleaner.
Q. Where do Chavettes go for work?
A. Street corners.
Q. How do you stop a chav from drowning?
A. Take your foot off their head.
Q How does a chavette get rid of unwanted pubic hair
A She spits
Q. What's the difference between Batman and a chav?
A. Batman can go out at night without Robin.
Q. What do you call a chav in a detatched house?
A. The Burglar
Q. Whats the difference between a Chav and a Computer?
A. You can punch information into a computer.
Q. What's the difference between a phone battery and a chav just out of prison?
A. The battery will last a couple of days before being charged again.
Q. How do you make a chav run faster?
A. Tuck a VCR under his arm.
Q. Whats a chavs favourite hot drink?
A. Kappachino.....
Q. What key can open anything?
A. A pikey!
Q. how do you confuse a chav?
A. you dont their born that way
Q. what did the 19 year old chav call the 35 year old chavette?
A. mum
Q. What's the difference between a hedgehog and a Nova full of chavs?
A. With the hedgehog, the *****s are on the outside.
Q. What's the difference between a chavette and a shopping trolley?
A. A shopping trolley has a mind of it's own
Q. How do you make a chav drink?
A. Put it in a blender
Q. Whats the difference between the bermuda triangle and a chav girl ?
A. The bermuda triangle swallows less seamen
Q. What does a chav lass do with her bum after sex ?
A. Sends him out for a doner kebab and a bottle of lambrini
At the end of a tiny deserted bar is a huge Chav male, 6ft 5in
tall and 350lbs. He's having a few beers when a short, well dressed and
obviously gay man walks in and sits beside him. After 3 or 4 beers, the
gay fella finally plucks up the courage to say something to the big
Chavster. Leaning over, he cups his huge ear "Do you want a blow
job?" he whispers. At this, the Chav leaps up with fire
in his eyes and smacks the man in the face. Knocking him off the stool,
he proceeds to beat him all the way out of the bar. Finally he leaves
him badly bruised, in the car park and returns to his seat as if nothing
had happened. Amazed the bartender quickly brings over another beer.
"I've never seen you react like that" he says "Just what did he say to
you?" "I'm not sure" the Chav replies. "Something about a job."
Dole officer - Can I help?
Chavette - yeah. I wanna sign on.
Dole officer - OK, how many kids have you got, ma'am?
Chavette - Err....20.
Dole officer - 20? Err.. OK, what are therir names?
Chavette - Err.... Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, and Kevin.
Dole officer - they're all called Kevin?
Chavette - yeah.
Dole officer - how can you manage?
Chavette - Oh it's easy. Whenever It's dinner, I just say Kevin! It's dinner. And they all come down for dinner. whever I want them out the house, I just say Kevin! Out the house, and they all fack off, and so on.
Dole officer - OK, I can see, it must save some time remmebrering names, but what if you want to call one of them individually?
Chavette - Oh, I just call them by their last names...
Two guys in a car
BUMP!
what was that?
- A chav
BUMP!
what was that?
- A Chav
BUMP! BUMP!
what was that!?
- Had to hit the curb to get that one
Judge: What gear were you in at the moment of crashing your Nova?
Chav: Reeboks and a Burbery cap.
Chavette is doing the washing up when her 4 year old daughter comes up to her
"Mummy, I wondered why your hands are so soft?"
"It's 'cos I'm only twelve, innit"
Man 1: Did you hear about the bus load of chavs that drove off a cliff?
Man2: Oh really?
Man1: Yeah im really upset
Man2: but why?
Man1: Cos there were three empty seats.
2 chavs are walking through the jungle and they see a man getting eaten by a crocodile, one says to the other, wow, look at his lacost sleeping bag.
in a recent survey of male chavs 80% said they had experienced sex in the shower, the other 20% said they had not been to prison yet!