20 at a time part 1

[WebTone]

1-
Actual Headlines
* Grandmother of eight makes hole in one
* Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing
* Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
* House passes gas tax onto senate
* Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan
* Two convicts evade noose, jury hung
* William Kelly was fed secretary
* Milk drinkers are turning to powder
* Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted
* Quarter of a million Chinese live on water
* Farmer bill dies in house
* Iraqi head seeks arms
* Queen Mary having bottom scraped
* Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?
* Prostitutes appeal to Pope
* Panda mating fails - veterinarian takes over
* NJ judge to rule on nude beach
* Child's stool great for use in garden
* Dr. Ruth to talk about sex with newspaper editors
* Soviet virgin lands short of goal again
* Organ festival ends in smashing climax

2-
News Flash!!
The FBI recently announced a failed operation to capture the regional head of Al Quaida in Ibiza. Unfortunately "Osama Bin Larging It" got away!!

3-
What's 10 inches long, 2 inches thick, and starts with a P?
A really good crap.

4-
Quasimodo is running along a street being chased by a pack of children.
He stops, turns around and shouts, "Will you all get lost! I haven't got your bloody ball!"

5-
Three old men were talking about the best thing that could happen to them at that time of life.
The 80 year old said : "The best thing that could happen to me is to be able to have a good pee. I just stand there and it dribbles and hurts, and I have to go over and over again."
The 85 year old said: "The best thing could happen to me is if I could have a good bowel movement. I take every kind of laxative I can get my hands on and it is still a problem."
The 90 year old man said: "That's not my problem, every morning at 6:00 am sharp I have a good long pee and at 6:30 sharp I have a great bowel movement. The best thing that could happen to me is if I could wake up before 7:00."

6-
Q. What is the difference between erotic and kinky?
A. Erotic is using a feather....kinky is using the whole chicken.

7-
Have you heard about the guy with no ****?
He went home and gave his wife a good bollocking

8-
A woman had twins, and gave them up for adoption at birth. One of the twins went to a family in Egypt, and was named "Amal." The other twin went to a family in Spain, and they named him "Juan."
Years later, Juan sent a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she told her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.
Her husband responded, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

9-
How do women get mink?.....................................The same way as mink get mink

10-
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. ...................I think I've forgotten this before.

11-
Q: What do the letters "DNA" stand for?
A: National Dyslexics Association.

12-
Q: Why did God create Eve?
A: To iron Adam's leaf.

13-
Q: Why do married men hang strobe lights from their bedroom ceilings?
A: To create the optical illusion that their wives are moving during sex.

14-
What has little balls and screws old ladies?
A bingo machine.

15-
What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing and gargling.

16-
A blind man and his guide dog are in a department store. Suddenly in the middle of an aisle, the man picks up his dog by the tail and starts swinging it around.
A startled shop assistant asks the man "Can I help you, sir?
The blind man replies quickly without thought, "No thanks. Just looking around."

17-
Two men are approaching each other on the sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points at his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969." The other points behind him and says, "Dog ****, 20 feet back."

18-
A lady walks into a shop that sells VERY expensive Persian rugs. She browses around, then spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug, she farts loudly. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person does not pop up right now. As she turns back, there, standing next to her is a salesman. "Good day, madam. How may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely rug?" He answers, "Madam, if you farted just touching it, you are very likely to **** when you hear the price!"

19-
A guy goes to buy a train ticket, and the girl selling tickets has an incredible set of jugs. He says, "Give me two pickets to Titsburgh...umm...I mean, two tickets to Pittsburgh." He's really embarrassed...The guy in line behind him says, "Relax, pal. We all make Freudian slips like that. Just the other day at the breakfast table I meant to say to my wife, 'Please pass the sugar', but I accidentally said, 'You ****ing bitch, you wrecked my life.'"

20-
A journalist had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War, and she noted then that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands. She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the men now walked several yards behind their wives. She approached one of the women for an explanation. "This is marvellous," said the journalist. "What enabled women here to achieve this reversal of roles?" Replied the Kuwaiti woman: "Land mines"

[WebTone]

A government spokesman has confirmed that in order to meet the conditions for joining the Euro, the phrase 'spending a penny' is not to be used after the 31st December 2001. From this date the correct terminology will be 'euronating'.

22-
Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your mother...!!

23-
Q: Do you know why women fake orgasm?
A: Because men fake foreplay.

24-
A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 2 other female friends in addition to my fiancee and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The next day, he brings 3 beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The red-head in the middle." "That's amazing, Ma. You're right, how did you know?" "I don't like her."

25-
Q: Who is the only man, weighing over 11st, who has ridden a Derby winner since 1945?
A: Lester Piggott's cell mate.

26-
“Good afternoon. Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?”

27-
Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an economist?
A: An offer you can't understand.

28-
Q: What does an insomniac dyslexic agnostic do?
A: Stay awake at night wondering if there's a dog.

29-
Q: How do you know when you're really ugly?
A: Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.

30-
Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.

31-
Two Manchester prostitutes are talking about business.
One says “I’m busy all the time just now. In fact if I had another pair of legs I’d open up in Liverpool”

32-
Have I told you I love you today?
No.
That’s strange- I’m sure I told someone.

33-
What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?
Eileen

34-
A man and a woman walk into a very posh shop. "Show the lady your finest mink!" the man demands. So the owner of the shop reaches for a full-length coat. As the lady tries it on, the owner sidles up to the man and whispers, "Sir, that particular fur goes for £50,000." "No problem," says the man. "I'll write you a cheque." "Very good sir," says the owner. "you may pick up the coat on Monday, after the cheque clears."
So the man and woman leave. On Monday, the man returns on his own. The owner is outraged. "How dare you show your face in here? There wasn't a penny in your account." "Sorry," grins the man, "but I had to come and thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life."

35-
What was the first thing Adam said to Eve?
"Stand Back! I don't know how big this thing gets!"

36-
Why do Sumo Wrestlers shave their legs?
So they don't look like feminists.

37-
A neurotic builds castles in the air.
A psychotic lives in them.
And a psychiatrist calls once a week to collect the rent.

38-
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine'. That was nice wasn’t it?

39-
Boycott shampoo - Insist on the real stuff.

40-
"Its been a rough day. I got up this morning .... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom."

[WebTone]

41-
What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
Childbirth.

42-
Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labour?
Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

43-
Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

44-
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring,and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

45-
My **** is 12 inches long but I don’t tend to use it as a rule.

46-
A man complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman... then... pow!... it was all gone!" "What happened?" asked the friend. "Ahhhh... my wife found out..."

47-
Someone who teaches at a Middle School in Safety Harbor, Florida forwarded the following letter. The letter was sent to the principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. This story is a credit to all human kind. Read it and forward it to all those who could use a lift. It's a heartwarming story
Dear Safety Harbor Middle School:
God blesses you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizen's luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Safety Harbor Assisted Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. It's nice to know that someone really thinks of me. God blesses you for your kindness to an old, forgotten lady. My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but would never let me listen to it, even when she was napping. The other day her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I said **** you.

48-
Q: Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms?
A: They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.

49-
An enormous funeral wound its way through the streets of the town, and, in every way, no sign of sorrow had been stinted, right down to the open cars filled with flowers. A bystander, who had been away from the neighborhood for a while, nudged a neighbour. "Who died?" he whispered. "Big Angelo's girlfriend," said the other. "Big Angelo's girlfriend? But she was so young! What did she die of?" "Gonorrhea." "Gonorrhea! But that's impossible. No one dies of gonorrhea." "You do when you give it to Big Angelo."

50-
A man and his girlfriend are driving down the highway. The man asks "If I drive 100 mph will you take off your clothes?" and she agrees. So the man drives 100 mph and his girlfriend strips. The man is so busy looking at his girlfriend that he crashes into a tree. The car flipped over, trapping the man and all of his girlfriend's clothes. All that is free of the car is the girlfriend and one of his shoes.
The man yells, "You have to go get help. Go to that gas station over there." His girlfriend says, "Are you kidding me? I'm naked."
"Well" replies the man "Take my shoe over there cover up your pussy and go get help."
So the woman covers her pussy with the shoe and goes to the gas station. She says to an attendant, "You have to help me. My boyfriend's trapped"
"I'm sorry ma'am" the attendant replies, "he's too far in."

51-
What is the definition of Confidence?
When your wife catches you in bed with another woman & you slap her on the ass & say, "You're next!"

52-
"So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road.'

53-
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Why, what does it tell YOU?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you're a twat. Some arse has stolen our tent."

54-
"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?"
I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'"

55-
A young guy goes into a bar and watches two attractive girls for a while before going up and offering to buy them a drink. One of them glances at him and says "Don’t bother - we’re lesbians". He says "OK, I admit I don’t know much - what’s a lesbian?" "I’ll keep it really simple", one says "We’d rather eat pussy than suck cock" "Barman" he shouts, "Drinks for us three lesbians".

56-
Max and Ernie are playing racquetball at the local gym. As they are changing clothes in the locker room Max takes off his T-shirt and shorts. He is wearing a bra and a lace garter belt. "My God," says Ernie, "when did you start wearing women's underwear?" "Ever since my wife found them in my glove compartment."

57-
Q: What's the best way to give your dog a bone?
A: Tickle his balls!

58-
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends late one night, the drunk led the way to his bedroom where pride of place was given to a large brass gong.
"What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked.
"Why, that's the speaking clock" the man replied.
"How does it work?"
"I'll show you", the man said, giving it an ear-shattering blow with an huge hammer.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "For **** sake, it's 2 o'clock in the ****ing morning!!"

59-
An American, and Englishman and a Frenchman were discussing a good example of savoir-faire.
"Well," said the American, "if you came home and found your wife in bed with another man and you didn't kill the son-of-a-bitch, that, to me, is savoir-faire."
"Not quite, chaps," said the Englishman. "If you came home and found your wife in bed with another man and you said, 'Please, sir, carry on,' that's savoir-faire."
"Mais non," said the Frenchman. "If you came home and found your wife in bed with another man and you said, 'Please, sir, carry on' and the man was able to continue, HE'S got savoir-faire!"

60-
Riding the favourite at Cheltenham, a jockey was well ahead of the field.
Suddenly he was hit on the head by a turkey and a string of sausages.
He managed to keep control of his mount and pulled back into the lead, only to be struck by a box of Christmas crackers and a dozen mince pies as he went over the last fence.
With great skill he managed to steer the horse to the front of the field once more when, on the run in, he was struck on the head by a bottle of sherry and a christmas pud.
Thus distracted, he succeeded in coming in only second.
He immediately went to the stewards to complain that he had been seriously hampered.

[WebTone]

61-
Hear about the Jewish detective?.........He had a tip off.

62-
A dyslexic man walks into a bra......

63-
What do you call a Frenchman who wears sandals?
Philippe Philoppe

64-
One day Dracula is walking down the street when suddenly 10 tons of smoked salmon sandwiches, bridge rolls, pitted olives, chicken wings, chipolatas, pizza slices & crisps descends on him from a great height, and knocks him to the ground.
"Oh no!" he gasps with his dying breath.... "It's Buffet the Vampire slayer!!"

65-
I've always been unlucky. I had a rocking horse once, and it died.

66-
I was in Margate last year for the summer season. A friend of mine said, "You want to go to Margate, it's good for rheumatism." So I did, and I got it.

67-
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.

68-
I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius. Unfortunately, Rembrandt made lousy violins and Stradivarius was a terrible painter.

69-
"Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's." "Well you can't say fairer than that then"

70-
So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?". He said "How flexible are you?".
I said "I can't make Tuesdays".

71-
So I said "Do you want a game of Darts?", he said "OK then." I said "Nearest to the bull starts" He said "Baa." I said "Moo." He said "You're closest."

72-
So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

73-
So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
He said "You remind me of a pepper-pot", I said "I'll take that as a condiment".

74-
And I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel.

75-
So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins, I thought "That's a turtle disaster"

76-
So I rang up British Telecom, I said "I want to report a nuisance caller", he said "Not you again".

77-
A midget sidles up to a tall blonde and says, "Hey, what do you say to a little ****?"
She says, "Hello, you Little ****."

78-
Women just don't understand me, that's why I bought a dog. And this dog is like my dream date-as soon as I get her in the house, she's all over me, rubbing against my leg, licking my nuts..........I can't even get a girl to do that.......I can't even get a girl to **** on my carpet!

79-
I heard they found two new uses for sheep in Australia...
Food and wool.

80-
Q:What goes "Clip Clop, Clip Clop... BANG! BANG! BANG! Clip Clop, Clip Clop...?
A: An Amish drive-by shooting.

[WebTone]

81-
Two delicate flowers of Southern womanhood were conversing on the porch swing of a large white-pillared mansion. The first woman said, "When my first child was born, my husband built this beautiful mansion for me."
The second woman commented, "Well, isn't that nice."
The first woman continued "When my second child was born, my husband bought me that fine Cadillac automobile you see parked in the drive."
Again, the comment, "Well, isn't that nice."
The first boasted, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet."
Yet again, the second commented "Well, isn't that nice."
The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?"
The second woman replied, "My husband sent me to charm school."
"Charm school!" the first woman cried "land sakes, child, what on Earth for?"
The second woman responded, "So that instead of saying 'who gives a flying ****, I learned to say 'Well, isn't that nice!"

82-
The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to try these techniques at home."
"Why not?" asked someone from the back of the audience.
"I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time. 'Hon,' I suggested, 'Why don't you try carrying several things at once?'"
The voice from the back asked, "Did it save time?"
The expert replied, "Actually, yes. It used to take her 20 minutes to get breakfast ready. Now I do it in seven."

83-
This actually happened at Harvard University in October of last year. In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female (freshman) raised her hand and asked "If I understand, you're saying there is as much glucose in male semen as there is in sugar? "That's correct", responded the professor, going on to add statistical info. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?"
After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl's face turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked out of class... and never returned.
However, as she was going out the door, the professor's reply was classic... Totally straight-faced he answered her question, "It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of the tongue and not in the back of the throat."

84-
A big, burly man visited the pastor's home and asked to see the minister's wife, a woman well known for her charitable impulses.
"Madam," he said in a broken voice, "I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned into the cold, empty streets unless someone pays their rent, which amounts to $400."
"How terrible!" exclaimed the preacher's wife. Touched by the sensitivity of a man with such a gruff appearance, she asked, "May I ask who you are?"
The sympathetic visitor applied his handkerchief to his eyes. "I'm their landlord," he sobbed.

85-
Did you hear about the man who took a course of iron tablets along with Viagra?
His **** now always points to due North

86-
A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with the dog."
"But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground" he answered.
"But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked. He quickly answered: "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."

87-
A well-dressed young woman swathed in a beautiful leopard fur coat was accosted by a screaming animal activist who yelled, "And what poor creature had to die so you could have that fur coat??"
The woman replied, "My Mother-in-Law"

88-
Q: How do you get 200 cows into a barn?
A: Put up a BINGO sign.

89-
The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me."
So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander."
Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?"
"Yes, sir," answered the Sarge.
A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful."
So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. "Ok, men, fall in and listen up. Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward... NOT SO FAST, McGRATH!"

90-
A guy gets shipwrecked. When he wakes up, he's on a beach. The sand is purple. He can't believe it. The sky is purple. He walks around a bit and sees that there is purple grass, purple birds and purple fruit on the purple trees.
He's shocked when he finds that his skin is starting to turn purple, too.
"Oh NO!" he says, "I think I've been marooned!"

91-
Three engineering students were discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It had to be a mechanical engineer...look at all the joints."
The second said, "No, it must have been an electrical engineer...the central nervous system is a miracle of millions of electrical connections."
The third said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline right through a recreational area?"

92-
Expense Account
1 Jan. Ad for female secretary £5.00
2 Jan. Flowers for new secretary £7.50
6 Jan. Week's salary for secretary £225.00
9 Jan. Roses for secretary £25.00
10 Jan. Chocolates for wife £4.50
12 Jan. Lunch with secretary £35.00
13 Jan. Week's salary for secretary £300.00
16 Jan. Theatre tickets for self and secretary £75.00
19 Jan. Pot plant for wife £2.50
20 Jan. Virginia's salary £375.00
23 Jan. Champagne and dinner for "Ginny" £160.00
25 Jan. Doctor for stupid secretary £1500.00
25 Jan. Fur coat for wife £6800.00
27 Jan. Ad for male secretary £5.00

93-
Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp who bought a warehouse?

94-
A guy rushes into the bar and tells the bartender, "The beers are on me!. My wife ran away with my best friend."
The bartender smiles and asks, "That's a shame, how come you aren't unhappy?"
"Why should I be unhappy?" replies the guy, "They saved me a fortune ...both of them are pregnant!"

95-
There was a pregnant silence, followed by a lot of little silences.

96-
Nine months to the day following their wedding, the Coopers had a baby. Unfortunately it was born without arms or legs---without even a torso. It was just a head, still, the Coopers loved and cared for their child, spoiling and indulging it.
Finally after 20 years, the Coopers took a much needed vacation, and whom should they meet but a European doctor who had recently achieved a medical breakthrough. "I know," he said, "how to attach arms and legs to your child, how to make him whole."
The Coopers cut their trip short, rushed home and into the room where the head lay in its crib, and said, "Honey Mom and Dad have the most wonderful surprise for you!"
"No," shrieked the head, "Not another ****ing hat!"

97-
A local charity office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer.
The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the charity rep mumbled, "Um...no."
"--or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken charity rep began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted, "--or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"
The humiliated charity rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."
The lawyer cut him off once again: "--so if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?!?"

98-
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything."
"That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."
The lawyer thought for a second and then asked, "How do you start a flood?"

99-
I have got a little lamb,
Her fleece is black and short.
Tried to pet it yesterday,
Next week I go to court.


100-
A down-hearted man in a greasy spoon diner asks the waitress for a meatloaf dinner and some kind words. She brings the meatloaf, but doesn't say a thing.
"Hey," he says, "what about the kind words?'
She replies, "Don't eat the meatloaf."

[WebTone]

Still awake? I have loads more. Another time maybe...

[kasandrich]

Still awake, thats a fun read.

[RaceMeNSee]

thats a WHOLE lot of copy and paste! lol

[WebTone]

me fingerz is still stiff:grin3

[SonOfABiker]

one word.





























ENCORE!!! :D fooking classic, that lot!

[Juvenilerider]

Something to read at work tomorrow whoo-hoo!

[Juvenilerider]

That's fantastic! :D

Favourite one was ,"Everyone with a mother take two steps forward... NOT SO FAST MCGRATH!" ha :D

[WebTone]

Ready for more?

Only going to suffer cut and paste stiff fingrz if its what you guys/gals want.

I post loads of crap as standard. So if you want more of this say so.

[Juvenilerider]

So....

[lordswood army]

So:grin1
Y cantu write short messages

[Spider]

i aint read the first lot yet lol! but summink to read when bored!

[WebTone]

Since it took me so long to cut & paste this lot all that time ago, I just thought I'd bump them up for some of the newer forum members.

Nothing like a bit of self promotion. Hehe :rockon

[MickyGixer]

Fooking hell Webtone I think your gonna need new fingers....funny though.....pmsl...:jumping2 :rockon :jumping2