Webby
15-03-2007, 12:02 AM
Bloke walks into a bar looking really hacked off.
Barman says "What's up Mate?"
Bloke says, "I haven't had any for ages. Getting really depressed now".
Barman says, "No problem. I can sort you out". "Every night this gorgeous girl comes in carrying a paper bag full of carrots". "She orders a half of lager then goes out the back".
"Yes" says the bloke. "So what?"
"Well" says the barman. "She goes out back to the fence we have, full of knotholes and puts a carrot though one of the holes". "She has a right good go with the carrot then comes back in, orders another half pint, drinks up then goes on her way with a beaming smile".
"So?" says the bloke.
"Well" says the barman, "when she comes in tomorrow, I'll give you a nod and whilst she is drinking her first half, you slip out the back, put yours through the knothole and she will think she left a carrot in from last night". She'll be happy and you'll get some"
"Great" says the bloke.
Next night, all goes to plan. The bloke gets the nod and slips out back to do the deed.
A short while later (see ladies I like to keep realism in my stories - hence 'short while') the girl comes back in, biggest beaming smile the barman has ever seen and orders her customary half pint.
Crikey thinks the barman, she looks happy.
Some time later the bloke staggers back into the bar, legs looking like he has just ridden a bucking (That's right I said B ucking) bronco.
Barman says "Christ mate you look like you had the time of your life"
Bloke says, "well I did what you said and put mine through a hole in the fence".
"You didn't tell me she scraped the fookin carrots first..."
Barman says "What's up Mate?"
Bloke says, "I haven't had any for ages. Getting really depressed now".
Barman says, "No problem. I can sort you out". "Every night this gorgeous girl comes in carrying a paper bag full of carrots". "She orders a half of lager then goes out the back".
"Yes" says the bloke. "So what?"
"Well" says the barman. "She goes out back to the fence we have, full of knotholes and puts a carrot though one of the holes". "She has a right good go with the carrot then comes back in, orders another half pint, drinks up then goes on her way with a beaming smile".
"So?" says the bloke.
"Well" says the barman, "when she comes in tomorrow, I'll give you a nod and whilst she is drinking her first half, you slip out the back, put yours through the knothole and she will think she left a carrot in from last night". She'll be happy and you'll get some"
"Great" says the bloke.
Next night, all goes to plan. The bloke gets the nod and slips out back to do the deed.
A short while later (see ladies I like to keep realism in my stories - hence 'short while') the girl comes back in, biggest beaming smile the barman has ever seen and orders her customary half pint.
Crikey thinks the barman, she looks happy.
Some time later the bloke staggers back into the bar, legs looking like he has just ridden a bucking (That's right I said B ucking) bronco.
Barman says "Christ mate you look like you had the time of your life"
Bloke says, "well I did what you said and put mine through a hole in the fence".
"You didn't tell me she scraped the fookin carrots first..."