ant_vaz
16-07-2007, 03:48 PM
1) Never go out riding just wanting to enjoy yourself. You will incur the harsh justice of an elderly driver who can only see the 30mph limit signs.
2) Never, EVER think: "that petrol will last me 'til the weekend". It won't.
3) Never kindly give way to anyone. They will just sit there dribbling, wondering why that stereotypical biker ***** is sitting there gesturing wildly, mouthing something like 'get a f**king move on'.
4) A chav will ALWAYS try to race you, anywhere, anytime. Power to weight ratio was something that their poor adoptive parents never taught them about.
5) Always try to race chavs. Only through repetitive harsh defeats will they perhaps someday learn to drive safely and responsibly.
6) It's becoming more and more aparent that new BMW's and Merc's are fitted with stylish new 'invisible' indicators. Owners of such cars feel that we can all simply sense when they should be turned on, and that it is our own fault if we fail to utilise our psychic abilities.
7) Right of way on roundabouts is reserved solely for cars. Never mind that braking heavily on a bike while cornering is extremely dangerous, we should have known that it was our duty to let the car 10 metres in front pull straight out into our path.
8) If a male pedestrian laughs at you going over a speed bump at 5mph, simply pull over and ask them to kindly to repeat the same procedure on their mountain bike, except at the far more respectable speed of 30mph. Bring popcorn incase they agree.
9) A true emergency stop is not something that can't be taught, only learnt.
10) The fact that someone has been driving for years without an accident does not always make them a safe driver. It just means that they have not had the crash they so rightfully deserve yet.
11) People will look at you quizically when you use the term 'lid', but then proceed to laugh in your face when you enlighten them by saying 'helmet'.
12) You can always find the perfect line through any corner. Simply look for the oil slick that a car has thoughtfully laid for you.
13) We have to learn from others' mistakes. We may only get the chance to make one ourselves.
14) Vauxhall Omegas have large boots simply so that bikers have something to break their wrists on before smashing through the back windscreen.
15) Vauxhall Omega drivers are blind, deaf, and most certainly stupid.
16) Vauxhall Omega drivers will cruise along in the middle of two lanes reasoning that their lane positioning is at least 50% correct.
17) Vauxhall Omega drivers are taught manoeuvre, brake, mirror, manoeuvre, signal, brake. It at least makes sense to them.
18) No, that chip in my bike's paintwork WASN'T there before you brushed past it.
19) The amount of mud on the road is directly proportional to the amount of time you spend cleaning your bike.
20) The darker the window tint, the uglier the driver. (doesn't apply to visors obviously)
2) Never, EVER think: "that petrol will last me 'til the weekend". It won't.
3) Never kindly give way to anyone. They will just sit there dribbling, wondering why that stereotypical biker ***** is sitting there gesturing wildly, mouthing something like 'get a f**king move on'.
4) A chav will ALWAYS try to race you, anywhere, anytime. Power to weight ratio was something that their poor adoptive parents never taught them about.
5) Always try to race chavs. Only through repetitive harsh defeats will they perhaps someday learn to drive safely and responsibly.
6) It's becoming more and more aparent that new BMW's and Merc's are fitted with stylish new 'invisible' indicators. Owners of such cars feel that we can all simply sense when they should be turned on, and that it is our own fault if we fail to utilise our psychic abilities.
7) Right of way on roundabouts is reserved solely for cars. Never mind that braking heavily on a bike while cornering is extremely dangerous, we should have known that it was our duty to let the car 10 metres in front pull straight out into our path.
8) If a male pedestrian laughs at you going over a speed bump at 5mph, simply pull over and ask them to kindly to repeat the same procedure on their mountain bike, except at the far more respectable speed of 30mph. Bring popcorn incase they agree.
9) A true emergency stop is not something that can't be taught, only learnt.
10) The fact that someone has been driving for years without an accident does not always make them a safe driver. It just means that they have not had the crash they so rightfully deserve yet.
11) People will look at you quizically when you use the term 'lid', but then proceed to laugh in your face when you enlighten them by saying 'helmet'.
12) You can always find the perfect line through any corner. Simply look for the oil slick that a car has thoughtfully laid for you.
13) We have to learn from others' mistakes. We may only get the chance to make one ourselves.
14) Vauxhall Omegas have large boots simply so that bikers have something to break their wrists on before smashing through the back windscreen.
15) Vauxhall Omega drivers are blind, deaf, and most certainly stupid.
16) Vauxhall Omega drivers will cruise along in the middle of two lanes reasoning that their lane positioning is at least 50% correct.
17) Vauxhall Omega drivers are taught manoeuvre, brake, mirror, manoeuvre, signal, brake. It at least makes sense to them.
18) No, that chip in my bike's paintwork WASN'T there before you brushed past it.
19) The amount of mud on the road is directly proportional to the amount of time you spend cleaning your bike.
20) The darker the window tint, the uglier the driver. (doesn't apply to visors obviously)